What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
