Nicole vs. Life
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
