You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
