i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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