I met the friendliest cop last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
