Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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