whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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