is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
