My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
