i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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