I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
