Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
