i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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