I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
