That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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