just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
