If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
