I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize