I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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