Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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