I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
