How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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