Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize