There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
