I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize