Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
