He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
