dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
