he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize