No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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