i would punch a child for taco bell
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
