She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
