So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
