Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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