White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize