I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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