I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
