ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
