I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
