On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
