she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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