check it out our google latitudes are spooning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
