Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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