You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
