Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
