Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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