I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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