Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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