We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
