so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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