Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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