You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
