first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
