i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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