then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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