My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still dying that you shit outside
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
