I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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