i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think people are normalizing furries
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize