So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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