Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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