Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
