How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
