You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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