i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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