Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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