New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
