when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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