Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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